I was always guilty of giving into the temptation to look at a situation and draw some conclusions based on that about either what it says about the person I am with or you or the relationship or the future.
For example if my partner makes a plan without me, my thoughts would instantly conclude something. I concluded he didn't love me, he would always be like that, this was going to be our future.
The thing I realised far too late was that these were all hypotheticals and in all honesty I had no idea if they are (or will come) true. So getting upset over them makes no sense. Because the meaning I would assign to his behaviour, the conclusion I would draw was my own. It was not the hard truth. So what made me so sure that my meaning was the correct one?
The truth is the only thing any of us know for sure is now. All I knew was he (say) made a plan without me. Thats it. I didn't know what it 'meant', I didn't know what it would mean for our relationship, I didn't know whether it would always be like that. It said nothing about his love for me (mind-reading) or what the future will hold (fortune-telling).
It is tempting to try and find meaning to events and draw conclusions based on just one event. But the truth I have to keep reminding myself is I really don't know and any conclusion I draw is just as likely as one I didn't draw.
Comments