I have always subscribed to the notion of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", also known as the Golden Rule. It seems logical right? If we all could just treat each other the way we want to be treated, wouldn't that make for a happy peaceful world?
In theory it is a brilliant idea and would solve a lot of problems. However, in reality there are a couple of flaws with this way of thinking.
Firstly we are all different. So the way in which people want to be treated varies slightly. Of course we all want to be treated kindly but even that term lends itself to different interpretations and understanding. What is 'kindly'? Is it opening the door for someone? What if someone wouldn't like to be treated in what they see is a 'patronising' manner and feels that is not kind, but rather demeaning? The problem is people see the world in such different ways so how we want to be treated (and treat others if we follow this rule) may not be the same as how they want to be treated.
Secondly it creates expectation. If you start to treat people the way you want to be treated, you subconsciously expect them to do the same back to you and then you start comparing and feeling hard done by. If you would help Helen unpack why isn't she helping you? But to have expectations on others is one of the quickest ways to feel resentful and can be harmful in a relationship. Furthermore perhaps they ARE treating you the way they want to be treated and you simply don't consider it to be the way you want to be treated. See the problem?
Instead what is a more positive strategy in forming good and deep relationships is to take the time to learn how the other person would like to be treated and treat them accordingly. It may be a bit harder than simply going along with what your own conception of how you want to be treated is but it is more likely to lead to rewarding and long-lasting relationships. And do it without any expectations that they ought to treat you the same way.
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