Self-compassion to me has always been a dirty word. Isn't that about letting yourself off the hook when you make a mistake or fail? I have always been of the school of thought that by being as mean and critical of yourself as possible, you are more likely to succeed. Because success is important, I have always strived to punish myself to success, calling myself 'stupid' or 'a failure', ensuring I compare with others in order to do better.
Why would I want to be self-compassionate? Isn't that lazy and weak? If I am self-compassionate isn't all that I will achieve is I feel okay with my failure and don't punish myself enough and never improve? Right?
Actually no. A leading self-compassion researcher, Kristen Neff found that those who were self-compassionate were MORE likely to achieve, as they sought active solutions to their problems rather than beating themselves up and feeling disheartened. Think of a little child- if they came second in a swimming competition would you tell them 'thats pathetic, you suck, do better next time'? And if you do, how long will they continue to have motivation to swim well? Maybe they will work harder in the beginning out of anger to prove you wrong. But eventually they will start to hate swimming, fear failure more and do it less. Doesn't sound like a winning formula for success does it?
Whereas in Dr Neff's study it was found that people who were more self-compassionate had greater desire to improve themselves. Back to our swimming example, over time the self-compassionate swimmer will continually strive to improve themselves and continue their love for swimming. Until they lose interest.
And that's okay isn't it?
Isn't there more to life than forcing yourself to do things that you hate just so you decided at some stage you wanted to 'prove' that you can do them?
Self-compassion part two will be out next week, check back in to learn how to actually practice it :)
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