Have you ever had scary and intrusive thoughts that you wish you could get rid of but nothing you do makes them go away?
I know I have. It's the worst feeling. You try and rationalise them, you try and find evidence to prove they are wrong, you try and 'think positive' thoughts, you ask people for reassurance. And these techniques give you momentary relief but then the thoughts come back with a vengeance. And they are horrible. They make you believe you are either an awful person, will hurt someone you love or they give you false memories you struggle to convince yourself are not true.
So how do you make them go away? One of the best books I read on intrusive thoughts is 'The Happiness Trap', which offers the best and arguably the hardest technique to employ when dealing with intrusive thoughts- Let them be.
Now this may seem completely counter-intuitive- isn't the whole point that you don't want them there? You want them to go?
But the irony is, in the search for quietening our minds, for shutting up these thoughts, we employ tactics that make them come back and come back with a vengeance. It is like a bully at school. When you fight back, get upset and cry or tell them off, you are engaging with them. You are making them feel they have power over you. You give them ammunition. But ignoring them, really ignoring them and not engaging with them- that's when they are truly left powerless.
It is hard but there are many techniques out there that help you ignore thoughts. Here are some:
Imagine you are a bus driver and the thoughts are passengers yelling things. You just continue driving the bus and ignore them. Ignore their instructions, their heckling, their rudeness. That doesn't mean you shut them up. No, you cannot control them and you don't try to. You just keep driving and allow them to go on and on as much as they want.
Imagine each of the intrusive thoughts are different weather patterns. You could pair each thought with a different pattern, like hail, rain, snow, sun etc. When it is raining outside do you go and try and change the weather? Do you blame yourself for not being able to change it? Or do you just get on with what you are doing and simply allow the weather to be there. Your thoughts are like the weather. Allow them to be there and trust they will leave
Imagine your thoughts are voices on the radio. Sometimes you don't have control over the radio and cannot lower it or change it. You just have to bear with it. And that's okay. Does it mean you have to stop studying or engaging in whatever activity you were engaged in and listen to the radio? Of course not! Just let the radio continue to play and don't feel the need to in any way engage with it or change it. It's there. That's fine
I hope these techniques help you and spare you the pain of bearing with the thoughts :)
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