'Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of success'
'Failure is an attitude, not an outcome'
'Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm'
We are inundated in messages from very young telling us how important failure is and teaching us to accept, rather than fear it. And while these quotes are very inspirational and motivational, they can be difficult to embrace and apply in the real world. Maybe they work when we get a clear sign that we have failed. A job rejection or no call-back. But what happens when we don't even consider our situation as a failure, but rather as a general 'this is all I'll ever amount to and deserve'?
Failure is far more insidious and less glamorous than the media portrays. There is no inspirational music, no flashbacks or indications that you will ever succeed. Often it is isn't even some specific setback or clear rejection from which you can draw an insightful lesson and acknowledge how tough you are for going through this hardship without giving in to a victim mentality. There is no sign that says 'THIS IS FAILURE. NOW IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACT HEROICALLY'
No. That would be too easy. Instead it is often not even understood as failure. It is seeing your friend's get what you secretly crave. It is reading a self-help book that others swear 'changed their lives' and finding no change in yours. It is tidying and cleaning so you don't have to face the project you have been procrastinating. It is the little voice that says 'Mary started later than me- how come she has achieved this and I haven't?'. It is even worse because with an obvious indication failure you are given an opportunity to make a change.
That was what characterised my life for years. I didn't know I was failing because it wasn't like I was getting explicit messages like job rejections or gig rejections. It was just that I sucked. My songs were crap. My voice would never get better, no matter how many lessons I took. There was no point in approaching people for gigs because they would just politely say 'maybe' while thinking 'Is she kidding?! who would come and watch her?'. There was no point really doing anything because all the hard work and effort would lead to nothing. Meanwhile other people would start after me and surpass me. And I was a terrible person for feeling jealous rather than celebrating their successes.
I procrastinated doing anything for years because 'it wouldn't work'. It was as simple and as mundane as that. So how could I have possibly applied those quotes in my life when I hadn't actually failed? Successful people fail. Me? I just sucked. And that's what failure felt like.
Part Two will explore how knowing what failure is is the first step to applying all those pretty quotes in your life.
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