Do you find yourself in situations where you KNOW what the person is thinking or can tell what they'll be like in the future?
It is very tempting to look at a situation and draw some conclusions based on that about either what it says about them or you or the relationship or the future. But that is a maladaptive thinking style called ‘fortune-telling’ and ‘mind-reading’. Start to see where you do are drawing conclusions by asking yourself ‘why does this situation upset me so much?’
So for example if your partner makes a plan without you what are your thoughts? Do you think it is a sign he doesn’t love you? Do you project it onto the future and think that is how he is going to be when you have kids etc?
The thing is these are all hypotheticals and you have no idea if they are (or will come) true. So getting upset over them makes no sense. Because the meaning you assign to them is your own, it is not the hard truth. So what makes you sure that your meaning is the correct one? The only thing you know for sure is now. Right now he made a plan without you. That is only happening now and says nothing about his love for you (mind-reading) or what the future will hold (fortune-telling). To help you identify them think about what him doing certain actions mean (that’s mind-reading- you don’t know that they mean that, it is only your guess) or what they indicate will happen in the future.
Here are some common ones:
If he doesn’t see things from my point of view it means he doesn’t love me
If he doesn’t work as hard in the relationship as I do it means he doesn’t care about us
If he doesn’t tell me his plans it means he doesn’t respect me
If he is making plans without me now what will happen in the future when we have to look after our kids?
Do you see yourself in any of these? It may help to write a list of the ones you find yourself often thinking and see what patterns come up.
Then try and see what alternative explanations may come up. Does it REALLY mean he doesn't love you or could there be other explanations? How are you so certain you're right?
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