To my Eating Disorder,

I know why you appeared in those years of growing up in the clinical embrace of CAMHS. Looking back at those years with jaded and adult eyes, it was inevitable. Of course, as your presence permeated my teenage years, you robbed me of many years of living, of growing into someone with a personality, of experiencing life in a similar manner to my peers.

Climbing back out of that black hole was the most difficult thing I've ever done. To this day, it is something so difficult that my memory of those times has transcended the days and time passed spent stuck; from what I've been told, you didn't make things easy for anyone. I remember feeling like I wasn't going to wake up if I went to sleep at night. I remember realising that I didn't want to die, and all the 'comfort' you had given me had deceitfully lead to years of suffering and pain at my expense.

To others, I was defined by your presence. From the girls at school who whispered behind my back about you, to the ballet teacher and popular girls who praised me for my commitment to the art and stopped ignoring me for the first time in 11 years. Who I truly was as a person didn't matter: the only thing that did was you. You put me in front row of my last performance, but by that time you had ruined my body to the degree that I could not fully lift my arms above my head. I don't have the last professional picture from that performance, because 'I' am not in it. You are.

In the years since my recovery you have remained in a crevice of my mind, ready to offer some helpful 'advice' if something was going wrong. I don't mind if you stay there, but I hope you know that every single time you appear I am strong enough and determined enough to put you back in your place.

You stole too many years of my life and I will not allow you to take any more from me.