Dear Anorexia,

I used to think you were my best friend. You gave me everything. You comforted me in the evenings when life felt so hard, you distracted me when my brain went to places I didn’t want to go. For so long I thought you were keeping me alive ... all those nights when you kept me going. ⁣

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I don’t know how I never realised what you were up to as our friendship progressed. As our relationship deepened. I was so sure you were the one thing in life that made everything okay ...⁣

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... but no you were the one thing in life slowly killing me. Slowly stopping me living. Emptying me out. ⁣

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Your voice that had managed to seduce me, giving me false promises for so long...⁣

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Sometimes I long for it again. Sometimes I long to do what you wish. Sometimes I think back and wonder if you did really make me happy. But on those moments when you try and convince me of that I won’t let you!⁣

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I won’t let you suck me back in! Not now, not ever. Even when you laugh at me as I look in the mirror, pulling out all the parts of myself I hate. Even when you convince me I am a failure, a waste of space ...Even when you tell me that you can take away the pain ... I won’t let you come back! ⁣

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Listening to you and living by your rules got me nowhere!⁣

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Anorexia you are a manipulative bitch and whatever life throws at me, however rubbish you make me feel... you are not coming back! ⁣

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Yours ⁣

Hope ⁣