Dear ED,

I have no clue how you are back in my life. I meant it when I said goodbye to you years ago, and I was so fine without you. I was an ED advocate didn't think I could ever fall into your clutches again. But here we are. 24 lbs down, not a drop happier.

I know you're doing the best to rescue me from the painful trauma I live with, from the uncertainty of sexual sobriety.

I know that you truly believe that controlling my body is the way to go.

But history has proven that we don't work well together. I like who I am without you. With you, I am anxious and miserable.

But as I write this, I brace for the break off. I don't want to say goodbye. I haven't let go of my need for you.

I want the specialness, the control, the rules, the certainty that you provide me.

I can't live without you. I can't live with you.

I wish I would never have known you.

Me