Dear ED,

You promised me so many things... happiness, being comfortable with my body, a life worth living, and so much more. So where are all of those things?

All you've done is take. You tell me that I'm fat and then turn around and tell me that my visible bones are beautiful. So which is it? Am I so fat that no one could ever love me? Or am I doing really well because my waist is tiny? Because I'm in a loving relationship despite you. Are you planning on taking that too?

If anyone else were to lie to me as much as you have I would cut them off without hesitation. Why are you so different? Why do I keep listening to you?

I reach out for help and you tell me they just want me to be fat. Why do I BELIEVE YOU?I hate you with all of my heart and soul, I hate how you make me feel, I hate how you make me act, I hate that I let you get your tentacles wrapped around me.

You warp my vision and show me a gigantic blob when I look at myself and even if I snap out of it temporarily and see myself for how I truly am, you cover my eyes and tell me I'm delusional. I can't stand it anymore!

So WHY do I keep coming back? Is it because I deserve it? Is it because I want to love how I look, and you're the only way for that to happen? Is it because you've become so deeply entrenched in my identity that I can't survive without you? That's what you tell me. Do I believe you? Yes.

Sincerely,

Me