Dear ED,

I was supposed to be a on a fast.

It's midnight and I just ate three Oreos.

I hate myself so much. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I'm a failure.

I don't know if I should go outside and run in the freezing cold to make up for it, try for the millionth time to purge it, carve into my skin that I shall never do such a terrible thing again, or plan another fast twice as long and make sure I do it right this time

.

My self control is shit. My hunger signals are haywire. My brain is broken.

Why was I even on a fast? I told myself I would maintain.

Why am I even maintaining? I'll lose it all again.

Why am I on MPA at midnight?

Why am I anorexic like this?

Why don't I just kill myself at this point?

Aria