Dear ED,

There's nothing on this planet that is more contradicting than you are. All of your advice isn't rational. Yet who am I to disobey you? For even though I tried so many times to silence your voice in front of dinner, not having eaten all day long, you creep into my head from the depths of hell, screaming at me that I'll gain all of the weight I had lost back if I were to eat this sandwich. This sandwich my caring mother made for me.

Some days I'm fine eating it and your voice seems to be not as loud as on others. Some days I lay crying under the sheets because I could not have this one slice of cake even though it was my birthday so it should have been alright.

Blindly I'll thank you anyway. With your help I was able to get thinner. Finally able to lose weight. But at what cost? I could perish any second. I can't think about anything besides food anymore. I've become so obsessed that I've lost control over you. At first I thought I was okay and could stop whenever I wanted. That was a lie you whispered to me. One more pound will do. I used to tell myself. One more and I'll be fine. But I wasn't and I'll never be.

I curse you for ruining my friendships because I cannot stand the thought of going out to eat. I curse you for ruining my grades because I can no longer concentrate in class. I curse you for ruining my life because I only live to serve your goal. Even so I curse myself the most for I can't get away from you. Embraced in your chains I stay and will never leave because I threw the key away, smashed it and burned it so I'll never escape your fangs.

Now I treasure these chains and your cage has become my home. There's nothing in this universe that is more contradicting than you are. You made me fall in love with you even though I want to hate you with all of my very being.

Sincerely,

a fellow sufferer.