Dear Depression

first of all: fuck you. Like honestly, get a hobby or something. I don´t care if you start knitting or start a cult, just - leave me alone for once. Because I do not believe you. Not anymore. No matter how often you say it: That you are the only one who sees me, hears me, who can even stand being around me.

You claim to be the one safe thing in this world; but you are not safe.

You take every bit of space that´s left around me, even the air I breathe. You take the light out of the day and the comfort out of the night, you drown every friendly voice around me and leave me with nothing but guilt. Guilt because you made me believe that you are me, leaving me bearing the responsibility for your nature on my own. Because not only did you take the version of myself who cared and fought back, you made me believe that she never even existed in the first place.

I live in a foreign world that only you and I inhabit. And I call a world I may have been born in foreign because I do not accept this as home.

Though I must admit that there may have been a time when I welcomed the apathy you can bring. The ice that froze between me and everything that hurts.

It didn´t work.

You froze me too, together with everything I wanted to bury. And you told me I belonged there.

But I know I don´t and you can´t take that from me. And for today, that is enough.