Dear Mum,

You tell me if I do things to keep myself busy I won’t have time for depression. So I do things I know I ‘should’ want to do. But why does having fun feel like such a chore?

You tell me I have no reason to feel sad, other people have it worse. So I count my blessings. But why do I now feel just as bad as well as guilty for being ungrateful?

You tell me to think positive thoughts. So I write them down. But why don’t they make me smile?

You tell me happiness is a choice. So I wake up every morning determined to feel happy. But why do I still cry myself to sleep?

You tell me to make friends and go out more. So I make plans. But why do I keep hoping they will cancel the plans?

You tell me time will heal my pain. So I wait and count down the days. But why am I still feeling this way?

You tell me you love me. So I remind myself that everyday. But why do I feel like I failed you?

You tell me if I do the right things I will get better. But I do the things you say. So why am I not getting better?

Love you loads,

Soph