Dear Social Anxiety,

You have been my protector and my safety for as long as I can remember. Almost like a lucky rabbit foot, you are there to make sure I don't screw up. Every time I have a social interaction that has even a whiff of imperfection, I reach out to you and you tell me all the things that I know will keep me safe: I am a monster. I am bad. I am unlovable. People will always leave me. If I always keep myself down by giving you free reign, I can continue to stay vigilant - maybe I will screw up less, and maybe I won't be surprised when it happens again.

The pain you give me, Anxiety, is intense, but it is never as terrible as the pain that I would if I were caught unawares by someone abandoning me.

The problem is, Anxiety, is that you are so hungry. A little self-loathing and isolation is never enough. I have to keep hating myself more. I isolate more and more with each day. The pain of my own mind is crushing me.

I want to be free from you like an abused woman wants to escape her violent husband. I want to with all my heart, but where would I be without you? I can't even imagine my life on the other side of you.

I want to learn how to breathe without you being the air. I want to believe that there IS life after you. I want to take steps to break away from you. Please, let me go.