Dear Borderline,

you’ve stuck with me for over 6 years now, which makes it hard for me to let go of you. I don’t know who I am without you, and although you’ve always been causing me a lot of trouble, I was never ready to say goodbye to you, because I felt like you gave me a personality and a reason to go on.

You’ve been there when I was in hospital, when I got broken up with and when I felt like nothing was worth it anymore. You were the biggest part of me, that one thing that gave me a personality, and the reason people pitied me. Although you’re the reason I act up and make everyone leave me, I no longer want to use you as an excuse. You comforted me for years and I even used you as an excuse when you weren’t even at fault, and even now, when people look at me, they notice something is wrong with me; you caused me scars I thought I’d never have and you’re the reason I am the self conscious girl I am today, the reason I developed Anorexia, the reason for my suicide attempts and my hospital stays.

But I never want to blame anyone - it wasn’t you who chose me, it just happened. People still don’t seem to believe me when I tell them I have this kind of disorder, but I’ve lived with you for so long, I can’t even believe people see you as so bad - to me, you’re like everyone else. And I am so sorry, but I decided to let go of you, to start over again, and to not use my illness as an excuse anymore, because I knew well enough that I could use it for any bad behavior.

At least you gave me a reason to understand why I did things that others wouldn’t do, that other people found inappropriate, stupid and sad. I am lucky enough to have you, a stamp printed onto me, following me everywhere and making it possible for me to accept the fact that some things happened the way you did because you were right beside me. I’m sure life would have been a bit easier without you, but maybe you helped me with some things and made some people leave that were supposed to leave anyways.

Thank you so much and maybe, I will have to face you again at some point; until then, goodbye